For Goodness Sake

For goodness sake,

I sit here running over memories.

In the dark at day,

And in the light at night.

Tormenting myself,

For what reason I don’t know.

Leave me alone,

They fly round my skull like ghouls.

Exorcism of the cranial artery required,

As I stare at my eye lids.

Wondering when it’ll all subside,

Its scrams into the silence,

Jabbering away at the back of my ears.

Faces snap,

Morph into someone else.

Can I hide in here for a while?

Running away didn’t help,

Staying here has made no difference.

What am I meant to do with this shark I can’t jump?

Confidence is in the eye of the beholder,

I bought a telephone I’m scared to use.

Competitive edge to beat what I don’t know you’re doing,

Racing blindly through the mental forest of posts.

Refusing to find an answer,

Even though I need to.

Stare at a light bulb,

What does it mean?

Its switched on I suppose.

I read a thousand alternative meanings to the words I feel,

It doesn’t change how they work.

Favourite things are back,

But no one to share them with.

Consciously erasing what people will judge,

And I re-wrote that bit twice.

Changing words to suit fashions,

It’s like an old t-shirt I love but only wear in doors.

For someone with short term memory issues,

I chuckle at the fact I remember every gory detail from years ago.

Forget what I wanted to buy this morning,

Yet can remember hatred I want to drop like a bag of rats.

Escapism holds the key I’m sure,

I’m using the things I love as an escape.

Which is good but not working,

There’s nothing left to confront.

Typing words for hours,

Hiding outside at work.

Sneaking into a teapot again,

Hoarding biscuits to try and keep me afloat.